It’s the voice that skews our self-perception, depletes our confidence, and debilitates our well-being. Here’s how to tame your inner critic.
Imagine having a constant companion who seems to know every one of your weaknesses, fears, and mistakes.
This companion isn’t a supportive friend, however, but a harsh critic – relentless in its judgment and brutal in its commentary. This companion is your inner critic, a universal phenomenon that many women grapple with daily. It’s the voice that skews our self-perception, depletes our confidence, and debilitates our well-being.
The inner critic doesn’t form in isolation. It’s shaped by societal pressures, gender expectations, biases, and power structures, all of which influence us from an early age. To disarm it, we must first understand how it works, recognise the specific archetypes it embodies, and learn how to tame it. Here’s a glimpse into five of the 13 archetypes of the inner critic that often hold women back, along with strategies to manage them.
1. The Perfectionist: The Fear of Failure and Judgment
The Perfectionist is obsessed with flawlessness, pushing you to drive and strive for unattainable results. It amplifies your fear of failure and judgment, leaving you in a constant state of anxiety. To tame this archetype, remind yourself that perfection is an illusion. Focus on progress, not perfection, and celebrate small wins along the way.
2. The People Pleaser: The Constant Harmonizer
The People Pleaser craves approval and validation from others, often at the expense of your own needs. This archetype keeps you stuck in a cycle of self-sacrifice, leading to burnout and resentment. To manage the People Pleaser, start by setting boundaries and learning to say no without guilt. Remember that your needs are just as important as anyone else’s, and prioritising self-care is essential for your well-being.
3. The Comparer: The Constant Watcher
The Comparer is always measuring your success against others, leading to feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. This archetype thrives on unhealthy comparisons, pointing out why everyone else seems to be doing better than you. Tame the Comparer by focusing on your own journey and understanding that everyone’s path is different. Cultivate gratitude for your unique strengths and achievements.
4. The Imposter: The Incessant Underminer
The Imposter makes you question your right to be where you are, convincing you that you’re a fraud who doesn’t deserve your success. This archetype fuels imposter syndrome, making you doubt your abilities and accomplishments. Tame the Imposter by acknowledging your expertise and reframing your achievements as earned rather than lucky. Regularly review your successes and remind yourself of the hard work and dedication that brought you here.
5. The Overachiever: The Relentless Achiever
The Overachiever pushes you to constantly seek the next goal, never allowing you to rest or feel satisfied. This archetype keeps you on a treadmill of endless striving, leading to burnout and a perpetual sense of not being good enough. Manage the Overachiever by setting realistic goals and recognizing the importance of balance. Give yourself permission to rest and recharge, knowing that self-care is essential for sustained success.
How the inner critic impacts women in business and leadership
The inner critic and its archetypes have a profound impact on women in business, their careers, and leadership roles. These internalised voices of doubt and fear can significantly hinder a woman’s ability to assert herself, take risks, and seize opportunities.
For instance, the Perfectionist may prevent a woman from stepping into a leadership role because she feels she isn’t “ready” yet, while the Imposter can make her question her worthiness for a promotion, leading her to shy away from asking for what she deserves. The People Pleaser might lead to overcommitting, resulting in burnout and decreased effectiveness.
These archetypes not only undermine confidence but can also stifle innovation, creativity, and career advancement. In leadership, where decisiveness and self-assurance are critical, the inner critic can cause hesitation, second-guessing, and a reluctance to lead authentically. By understanding and taming these archetypes, women can break free from these constraints, step into their full potential, and lead with greater confidence and conviction.
Tips for taming your inner critic
- Mindfulness Practice: Engage in regular mindfulness practices like meditation or journaling to become more aware of when the inner critic speaks and what it says.
- Affirmations and Positive Self-Talk: Replace critical thoughts with affirmations or positive statements that reinforce your self-worth and capabilities.
- Seek Feedback: Constructively seek feedback from trusted peers or mentors. This external perspective can provide a reality check against the cognitive distortions of the inner critic.
- Limit Comparison: Actively limit your exposure to environments and social media that provoke unhealthy comparisons. Focus on your own goals and achievements instead.
- Professional Guidance: Consider working with a therapist or coach who can help you understand and mitigate the influence of your inner critic, especially if it’s severely impacting your mental health or professional growth.
Reclaiming your power from the inner critic
These five archetypes are just part of the broader picture. In total, there are 13 distinct archetypes of the inner critic, each representing a unique facet of self-doubt and fear, that I write about in detail in my book Women Rising: The Forces That Hold Us Back, The Tools to Help Us Rise.
Taming your inner critic isn’t about silencing it entirely; it’s about understanding these archetypes, recognising when they show up, and reframing their negative messages. When you recognise and manage these archetypes, you not only reclaim your power but also open up possibilities for growth and self-acceptance.
It’s a journey from being beholden to your inner critic to living in alignment with your true self—free from the chains of self-doubt and fear.
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